I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Randomize
