You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
