i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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