The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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