You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
