I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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