I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
