somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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