My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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