I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
