True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
