I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
