my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
