My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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