I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
