I didn't shave. On purpose
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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