On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
