Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So squirting runs in the family.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
