You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
did i walk over a car last night?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
