I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
