he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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