"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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