I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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