I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
