i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
