I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
