she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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