i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
