there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
