my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
