my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
