god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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