making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have fence marks all over my body
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
