At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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