I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
