Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
