Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
