508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
