My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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