Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
