Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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