Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
