That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
