we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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