Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
