i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
