So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
