Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im holly from the hills drunk
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
