I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
