This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
